Think back to the last time someone gave you feedback. How did it feel?
For a lot of us, that one question brings up more than we expect. Feedback can feel like criticism. It can feel like a one way street. Sometimes it feels like a necessary evil, something to get through rather than grow from.
And yet we know it matters. We just wish it felt different.
In this LiveTalk Replay, Dr. Caroline Robbins (a public Montessori administrator, researcher, former primary guide, and Montessori parent) shares what her own research revealed about giving feedback the Montessori way. Feedback that grows people instead of grading them, and that builds a culture of trust instead of fear. This session is part of our ongoing series inside the Childhood Potential Club, where members gain access to expert talks, community support, and resources designed for real life with young children.
We prepare environments for children. What about the adults?
Here is something Caroline names early, and it lands: in Montessori we are so intentional about preparing beautiful environments for children. We observe them, we follow them, we trust them to grow. We are not always so thoughtful about the environments we prepare for the adults.
But the same principles work in both directions. Think about how we already give feedback to a child. It is based on observation. It often comes through grace and courtesy, modeled for the whole community rather than aimed at one person. It remembers friendliness with error, so it leans toward growth instead of blame. It follows the child, asking what this particular person needs in this particular moment. And at the elementary level it looks like a conference: sitting down together, what is going well, what are your next steps, how can I support you.
Now picture that same warmth extended to the adults in your school or home. Not one way and directive, but reflective and shared. Caroline’s point is simple. Montessori adults deserve developmental growth, just like Montessori children do. All of us can grow from feedback when it is offered well.
The three needs behind every feedback conversation
For her research, Caroline used self determination theory, which says we all have three basic psychological needs that drive our motivation.
- Autonomy, the feeling of being in charge of your own goals and growth.
- Competence, the strength and ability to do the work well.
- Relatedness, the sense of connection and belonging.
Montessori adults thrive when feedback supports all three. In practice that means letting educators choose their own growth goals and lead their own plans (autonomy). It means honoring strengths and celebrating what is working, not just correcting (competence). And it means feedback that strengthens the relationship rather than harming it, including reciprocal feedback that can flow in any direction, not just top down (relatedness).
One small finding stood out. When Caroline asked teachers what kind of observation they actually preferred, they said longer ones. Frequent quick check ins are welcome, but when someone comes into the classroom, it helps far more to sit and stay a while, long enough to see how children solve problems on their own during the work period.
Both sides are real: teacher and leader
A lot of the tension around feedback lives in the gap between what a teacher needs and what a leader needs.
Teachers need trust, time to reflect, real autonomy, coaching that supports their growth, and enough psychological safety to say what is actually going on. Leaders carry accountability pressures, parent concerns, the need for some shared consistency across classrooms, and the need to make progress visible.
Caroline’s invitation is not to pick a side. It is to notice that both perspectives are completely valid, and to design feedback systems that honor both. A both and, not an either or. And this is not only about teachers and leaders. The same tension shows up between a guide and an assistant, or a parent and a caregiver. We are all here in service of the child, even when our roles pull us in different directions.
A simple, brain based way to give feedback
For the practical part, Caroline points to Leanne Renninger’s short, brain based method. Four moves, and you can try them this week.
- Start with a micro yes. A quick question that invites consent and gives the brain a heads up. “Do you have a moment to talk about that lesson?” It takes two seconds and it changes everything about how the feedback lands.
- Be specific and factual. We are trained to observe, so use it. “I noticed you got up from your seat three times during that lesson” instead of a vague, blurry “you don’t collaborate.” Blur words mean different things to different people. Facts do not.
- Name the impact. Explain what happened next. “Because you got up, the child waiting for the lesson got up too.” Or, “you shared those ideas in the meeting, and it seemed to inspire your colleague to share hers.”
- End with a question. “What are your next steps?” or “How does this land for you?” Feedback that ends with a question points forward, toward growth, instead of back toward blame.
Three shifts to make when you observe
Alongside the method, Caroline offers a few mindset shifts worth keeping close:
- From evaluation to learning. Trade “this was good, this was bad” for “I’m curious about that.”
- From one big event to frequent, informal check ins, with a few longer visits that give children time to show how they really work.
- From one way feedback to dialogue. Ask “what did you notice?” and offer yourself up too: “do you have any notes for me?”
- From working in silos to peer observation, so educators can step into each other’s classrooms and grow together.
Kind and clear at the same time
To hold kindness and honesty together, Caroline uses Kim Scott’s Radical Candor framework. The sweet spot is high personal care and direct challenge at once. Around it sit the traps most of us fall into under stress: ruinous empathy (so worried about hurting feelings that we soften the message until it disappears), obnoxious aggression (challenge with no care), and manipulative insincerity (neither). Caroline is honest that she tends toward ruinous empathy herself and has to work at being specific and direct, but always with care.
A few common missteps to watch for: too much feedback at once, skipping the micro yes, leaning on blur words, the feedback sandwich (where the real message gets lost between two compliments), jumping to advice before getting curious, talking more than listening, and forgetting to name a next step.
When feedback stings
In the live Q&A, someone asked the honest question: how do you stay open when feedback hurts, even when it is delivered clumsily?
Caroline’s answer is worth holding onto. First, model asking for feedback yourself, even though it is scary. Then, when a comment stings, remember it often tells you as much about the person giving it as about you. You can stay curious about it without discrediting it, and still decide for yourself what to do with it. And be kind to yourself in the process. You are human, this is hard, other people feel this way too, and it is going to be okay.
If you do only one thing
For the many people who work in small schools with no formal appraisal system, Caroline’s one takeaway is beautifully doable: set up peer observation. Even a children’s house guide and an elementary guide swapping classrooms for a while. It helps educators grow as peers, it gets everyone out of their silos, and the children feel the stronger community around them. Pair it with regular growth conversations across the year, asking what your goals are and what would help you flourish, and you have the heart of Montessori aligned feedback.
Meet Dr. Caroline Robbins
Dr. Caroline Robbins is a public Montessori administrator in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, a researcher and instructor in adult education, a former primary guide, and a Montessori parent. Having stood on both sides of the observation door, she brings research and real classroom life together, with a focus on coaching and growing educators so a school can run on trust and growth instead of fear.
